hiddencait

Request: Jess/Becker “In The Shower”

Warning: this turned into FAR more of an angstfest than I’d planned, but at least you do get some smut to make up for it. Rated M for sure though!

Also, this is definitely a companion if not a true sequel to “Touchstone.”

Talisman

Jess checked the team’s current location for probably the 20^th time in the past minute, impatient for them to finally make it back to the safety of the ARC. The bomb, well, bombs, she reminded herself, had taken the life of yet another one of the military personnel, and as always that death reminded her all too vividly of what she might someday face, loving one of those military men as she did.

The sound of Matt checking in over the comm momentarily distracted her, and she forced herself to focus as he reported his and Danny’s position as they continued their chase of Danny’s sociopath of a brother. Ethan, or Patrick or whatever the hell the bastard was calling himself, had been busy in the 2 days since he’d reappeared through an anomaly, just barely slipping out of the ARC personnel’s grasp. Danny hadn’t been so lucky, and being shot once again with an EMD and thus losing track of his brother had left him in a rather less than pleasant mood.

The after effects of Ethan’s latest murder via explosive device likely wouldn’t lift his spirits any, Jess thought grimly. She glanced again at the readouts on her screen, and let out a relieved sigh when she saw that the team’s vehicle had finally made it back to the garage. They were safe and sound, and soon enough, her man would be back at her side.

At the quick pounding of running boots heading to the hub, she spun in her chair hoping to see Becker striding toward her like always. Instead, his 2IC Michaels was on his way to her, his face frozen in a mask of concern. That got her worried: Michaels tended to keep himself even more under control than Becker did when it came to keeping the noncombatants unaware that anything was wrong with the military boys. Clearly that was not the case here, and growing more fearful by the moment when Becker’s handsome face didn’t appear behind his second’s, she stood and waved for one of the other techs to take over for her at the ADD.

“Michaels, what’s-”

“I need you to come with me right now.” He spun on his heel and strode back the way he came without waiting for her answer, Jess taking off after him at a near sprint, her heels making a dreadful racket as she scurried after the much longer legged soldier. Her mind offered up half a dozen really bad scenarios, but even those were skirting clear of the terror looming in the back of her mind. She’d known when the bomb went off, but he was fine. Michaels had told her he was fine. But, Becker hadn’t said so, had he?

She followed Michaels through the maze of halls in the ARC, and finally turned the corner that told Jess they were heading toward the locker rooms. They passed another soldier at the head of the corridor, a young man Jess thought to be called Harley, though in her frazzled state she couldn’t be sure. The younger soldier offered both she and Michaels a nod as they passed, and then Jess dazedly noted he turned and stood facing out into the rest of the building. And was he at parade rest? It almost seemed like he was standing guard, but that was just silly, she thought. Why would he guard a hallway? She shook her head at herself, then noticed yet another soldier at the other end of the hall, and her posture was much the same as Harley’s. What the bloody hell was going on here?

Michaels reached the door to the locker rooms and came to a stop so fast that Jess, still distracted by the strange picture of the other two soldiers, actually slammed into his back before she could stop herself. He spun and caught her before she could fall, and she had a moment of irritation at the sheer ease of his movements, just as she often did with Becker. His name in her thoughts pushed away her curiosity, with only fear remaining once again.

Michaels took his hands from her arms and straightened looking at the door to the locker room and seeming to search for words. After a moment, he frowned and shook his head and began to speak.

“Becker’s inside.” She began to move to the door without thought, but he stopped her and continued. “He’s in a bad way, Ms. Parker. Not hurt,” he hurried to assure her at the look of panic on her face, “but still, it’s… it’s bad. He was standing right next to Jeffreys when he…”

Jess shuddered, and Michaels took another long breath, steadying himself.

“It’s not the first time Becker’s seen something like this. On deployment… It was bad, that’s all I can say. Right now, he’s-he’s in shock, and a flashback’s near to a certainty if we can’t snap him out of it.” His blue eyes were haunted, and Jess swallowed at the thought of what the pair of them must have seen overseas. She’d once wondered if it got easier to see the kind of horrors they saw at the ARC; this was a fairly clear answer that it never would.

“What… what do you need me to do?” she asked quietly, conscious of the other soldiers in the hallway who might be listening in.

“He needs you. Needs to be reminded that he’s not back there, in that place. I can’t do that for him. I’m too tied to his memories of before.” He scrubbed a hand across his face and looked anywhere but at Jess. “But you, you’re bright and lovely and whole. And he’s kept you safe before and you’ve kept him safe too. He needs that, Ms. Parker.”

Jess thought it over, not totally sure she knew what he was asking, but hoping, praying she’d be able to give Becker what he needed. She nodded slowly, and turned to the door. Once more, a hand on her arm stopped her, and she turned to seen Michaels leaning towards her.

“Just a warning, he looks a fright. If you can get him cleaned up, it’ll be a step in the right direction. I can get him some clean clothes if you can get him into the showers.”

Jess blinked at the myriad implications, but then nodded slowly. She reached the door, but then glanced over her shoulder, worrying her lip with her teeth.

“If he’s as bad as you think, I may need some clean clothes as well. Can you ask Abby for me? And give me 10 minutes to actually get him in shower perhaps?” She wouldn’t say it out loud, but damned if the entire situation was going to be awkward enough without Michaels possibly walking in on her in next to nothing. Especially as he was clearly aware of the relationship she and Becker had kept to themselves thus far. Michaels offered her one last nod, and then she pushed through the door.

Becker was sitting on one of the benches by the locker with head hanging low and his back to her and the door. That alone told Jess more than a little about his mental state: she long ago noticed that Becker rarely left his back to an exit. Michaels didn’t either, for that matter, so she guessed it was likely a military thing. For him to be this exposed, even here in the relative safety of the ARC, was worrying. Taking a deep breath, she turned and typed in her override on the pad next to the door. She couldn’t leave it locked what with Michaels bringing clean clothing, but she certainly didn’t want to risk Shelly or any of the other techs tuning into the cameras in here. She took a few steps to the bench and around to the end and then stopped short, her hands flying to her mouth to smother a gasp at the sight of him.

No wonder Michaels had warned her: Becker was all but drenched in blood. The stench of it drifted into her nose, and she swallowed back bile as she realized she was likely looking at what little was left of Jeffreys. Blood dripped from Becker’s hair and uniform and hands and, bloody hell, it was everywhere, she thought grimly. The only spot on him that was relatively clean was his face, she realized. Someone, likely Michaels, must have tried to wash that for him, but it was likely to have been tough without a massive amount of water. She would definitely need to get him in the shower.

Jess swallowed, and pulled her hands down to her side, forcing herself to breathe through her mouth in an attempt to keep some of the scent out of her nose. Then she took the final few steps to Becker, crouching down in front of him as best she could in heels and skirt. She gingerly rested her finger tips on his knees and tilted her head up, trying to meet the eyes that were gazing blankly at the floor.

“Hil? Love, can you look at me?” she whispered softly, trying to reach him with her voice. “Becker, please, I’m here. Can you look at me, please?”

So slowly, she almost thought she imagined it, his head rose until he was looking straight at her. Her heart broke at the sight of the pain and loss in his eyes and she lifted one had to his cheek softly.

“Jess.” His voice was so hoarse as to almost be unrecognizable, and Jess blinked back tears at the sound.

“Yes, yes, I’m here, love.” She stood slowly, reaching with her free hand to take one of his carefully. “I’m going to get you cleaned up, now. Alright?”

He barely nodded, and she took that as permission to continue. Gingerly, and fearing she might vomit or sob any moment, she began the tedious process of pulling off the tac vest and jacket, and then crouching down again to untie and slip off his heavy boots. Not once did Becker move to help her. His passiveness scared her more than a little, and she hurried through getting him out of his shirt and then pulling him up until he stood so she could remove his belt and pants, wanting to get him cleaned off and hopefully back to being the man she loved as soon as possible.

She hesitated to remove his boxers, feeling suddenly shy and almost uncomfortable with undressing him, no matter how many times she’d ‘helped’ him get naked before. That was just… different. God knew, he was in no state to give her permission, and she couldn’t help the sudden surge of shame. No matter, she reminded herself firmly, he needed her and that was simply that.

She began to lead him to the showers, glancing behind her only once with the faint worry and hope that no one would end up coming across the decidedly unprofessional sight of his clothes strewn about and the pair of them in the showers. Then the image of the pair of soldiers in the hall came back to mind, and she smiled softly as realization struck. His men would keep watch, keep guard until their commander was whole and himself again. She suddenly didn’t doubt that Becker’s gear and even the 4x4 would be in near-pristine condition before she even could get him back out of the shower. The soldiers would do their utmost hide that evidence of any weakness in one of their own, and she would help them to do so. She felt a moment’s pride that she’d so clearly been taken into that conspiracy. She was one of them, for this moment at least.

Slightly comforted by the thought of Michaels’ and the other soldiers’ apparent faith in her, she squared her shoulders and led the un-protesting Becker by the hand to one of the shower stalls. She reached in and turned the water on, waiting until it was hot and then adjusting it to the not quite scalding temperature that Becker tended to prefer. Then she gently pulled him over and guided him gradually in under the spray.

“Try to start rinsing off. I’m going to grab soap and shampoo, but I’ll be right back, OK?” He turned and leaned into the downpour without a word, and she took that for assent.

She darted quickly back into the locker room and pulled her toiletries from her locker and grabbed a few towels and a washcloth from the linen closest that was surprisingly properly stocked for once. She almost laughed, realizing Becker must have finally had it out with the cleaning crew after the last rather disgusting mission where the entirety of the ARC’s military contingent had all piled into the showers only to find nary a single towel available. The resulting flood of puddles had resulted in more that one bruise and sprained ankle, and her love had been incensed at the whole situation.

Whatever the reason, she was thankful for the convenience now. She carried her bundle back over to the stall, and then deposited the towels on the bench just inside the stall door. She reached behind her to lock it, and then removed her outer clothes, leaving herself in bra and panties. That done, she steadied herself once again, and slipped behind the shower curtain, toiletries and washcloth in hand.

Becker was where she’d left him, hands braced against the tiles and head bowed, just letting the hot water wash over him. He didn’t react to her presence per se, but neither did he give any indication that he didn’t want her there. Considering the possible violent alternatives had he actually been in the grip of a flashback, Jess took that for a hopeful sign.

“Here, I’ve got some shampoo. Let me get your hair.” He turned slowly, and Jess was pleased to see most of the blood had washed away down the drain. There was still a little in his hair though; she’d take care of that. She got a dollop of shampoo and Becker leaned down so she could reach up and massage the suds into his hair. She took a while at it, trying to comfort him with the task as best she could, and after a minute or so she was rewarded by a soft sigh and him leaning forward to rest his hands on her waist. She continued with the task for another few minutes and then gently pushing him back toward the spray. “That should be good. Let’s go ahead and rinse it out.”

Becker moved leaned backwards under the water, and Jess stood up on her toes to run her fingers through his hair, watching to see when the water ran clear of soap or any remaining tint of blood. Once she was sure that was done, she tugged him back out of the spray and turned to grab the washcloth and soap. She worked up a lather and turned back to see he’d stripped off his boxers while she wasn’t looking. It gave her pause for a moment, but she just shrugged to herself. It would certainly make it easier to be sure he was clean. She moved closer and began to softly wash him, starting with his chest and arms, then squeezing behind him to do his back down to his ass and down the backs of his legs and feet. She moved back around him again to do the front of his legs then up to softly run the washcloth over his groin.

She swallowed a little as she did so, and risked a look up at him. His eyes were focused on her, and she felt her pulse begin to throb at the look in his eyes. She stroked the cloth against him again, and his cock twitched beneath her fingers. Becker reached down and took the cloth from her and set it deliberately on the soap dish. He half turned, allowing the spray to wash away the suds, but kept his eyes on her. The empty lost look had faded, shifting to the heat she’d so recently grown accustomed to, his pupils wide as they drifted along the length of her, still clad in her underthings, but soaked enough that they were nigh transparent.

“Jessica.” His voice was soft enough that she only barely heard him over the sound of the shower. He was still hoarse, but now it was with desire instead of horror, and she felt herself begin to tremble at the sound of it. “My Jess.”

As he said her name again, he stepped forward, backing her up against the wall, and he reached up to set his hands on her hips again. He leaned in and kissed her slowly, as if mapping her mouth with his own. Once she was nearly breathless, he pulled back and ran his hands up her sides and around to unclasp her bra, dropping it to the side and pulling his hands back around to cup her breasts softly, the delicate touch nearly making her knees go weak.

“Jessica,” he said again reverently, as if her name were a prayer that warded against the horrors of the day. Becker dropped his head to kiss each nipple, once, twice, slowly kneeling at her feet. He allowed his hands to drift to her panties, and he slid them down carefully, his fingertips trailing down her long legs as he did so. He brought them back to rest of her hips and then still kneeling, he nudged her legs apart and softly brought his lips to her center.

He took his time with the task, keeping his mouth and tongue as delicate as his hands on her breasts had been. The gentle onslaught drove her up slowly, so painfully slowly, she felt she might go mad long before he’d finished. He released her hip with one hand and slid a finger in her, matching the tempo of his mouth and driving her higher. A second finger joined the first, and that, finally was enough to send her tumbling over the edge, eyes clenched tight and his name falling from her lips as she came.

Becker stood, still holding her steady as she quaked, and he kissed her again, almost lazily if not for the hard length of him pressing against her. Her eyes drifted open, and he seemed to take that as his cue, lifting one of her legs up over his hip and sliding in her as deep as he could, breathing what was almost a sob of her name into her mouth as he did.

Then they were moving together, his strokes starting out as slow as his other touches but soon coming more quickly, as both of them clung together, need pushing past his control. Soon he was thrusting into her frantically, one hand on the back of her head keeping it from slamming into the wall, the other braced against the tiles for leverage. Jess felt herself winding up once more, and she dug her nails into his shoulders and keened as she came again, this time harder, her eyes going blind despite her wish to watch him as he spiraled after her, hips stuttering against her as he came.

They stood intertwined as the water finally went from hot to barely warm, then he carefully dropped her leg to the floor and slid out of her with a groan. Silently, as if both were almost afraid to speak and break the spell he’d woven over both of them, they took turns with the washcloth and the spray again, washing each other carefully. Once they’d finished, Becker reached up and turned off the water, and Jess tugged the shower curtain open and grabbed the towels off the bench. They dried each other with the same care, and then Becker wrapped a towel around his waist and looked back out at the bench, his forehead furrowing in confusion.

“Clothes?”

“Michaels said he’d leave some out in the locker room.” Becker nodded and slipped out the door, leaving Jess gathering up her discarded clothing and toiletries, and wrapping them all in a damp towel. Becker reappeared, jeans on and the rest of his clothes and a bundle of what looked to be some of Abby’s work out gear and a pair of capris in hand. They dressed in silence, Jess just a bit dismayed as she realized neither Abby nor Michaels had apparently considered that she might need underthings as well.

Thus dressed, the pair made their way back into the locker room. Jess was glad to see the pile of his bloody gear had vanished without a trace as she’d suspected it would. Not that she thought Becker would slip back into his earlier state, but it was probably for the best to remove the earlier mess from his sight. They both sat to pull on shoes, and after a glance at Jess in her borrowed, slightly ill fitting garb and high heels, Becker just shook his head and offered her his leather jacket which she zipped up over the haphazard ensemble with a wry smile. God knew, they’d taken long enough in the shower that no one would likely argue with the pair of them leaving for home now.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” Becker asked, his voice almost shy. Jess pulled her still damp and hopeless tangled hair into a knot at the base of her neck, and then nodded.

“Of course, Hil. As long as you need me to.” They stood, and Becker reached for her with a laugh that was almost a sob. He wrapped his arms around her, and she looked up to see a smile finally on his face before he hid it in her shoulder.

“You ought to be careful, Jessica. That could turn out to be a long, long time.” She smiled and dropped a kiss where his neck met his shoulder.

“You say that like I’d argue.” He straightened reluctantly, and they grabbed their things and headed for the door, Jess tapping in her code to release the override when she reached it. Becker opened the door to find Michaels standing directly in front of it, in the easy stance that a soldier took on guard. His 2IC turned and surveyed them both, before offer a soft smile and a respectful nod to Jess. Then he turned and called to the soldiers still blocking either end of the hallway, and the trio moved past Jess and Becker into the locker room, bustling about and preparing for home as if nothing untoward had happened. The pair in the doorway watched them for a second, and then turned and left the room, heading for home together.