hiddencait

So, I've come to the conclusion that I need to drop the second mix (the Reaper!Vaako/Kyra story)  I claimed for bigbang_mixup because it has gone beyond stressing me out at this point (as poor askita can attest from me bitching at her about it on the phone for over a week now).

I feel really REALLY crappy about it as that mix was for my darling urbancate (don't hate meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!), but it just has to happen.

I think there's a lot of things that are keeping me from managing to write ANYTHING at all one this one (besides one truly awful paragraph that I deleted because it was really that bad compared to everything else I write), but in the long run, why it's fighting me doesn't matter as much as why I need to just let it go for now.

I promised my self a long time ago that I was not going to allow fanfic to become one of the stressors in my life. I mean, it's a HOBBY! A thing that I do because I enjoy it and to keep me from feeling so down about the other stress in my life.  As weird as it's going to sound - I refuse to take my own fanfic that seriously. Do I want to do a good job?  Absolutely. Do I want to keep readers happy? Heck yeah, feedback is part of the fun.

But does fanfic pay my bills or get me a publishing deal? No. No it doesn't - it's not any kind of a responsibility. It's just for fun. FOR FUN.

So, with that as my personal mantra, when a story fights this hard and starts making me doubt my own writing ability, I have to step away. I just do.

Granted - I never really abandon my story ideas, so I'll get back to it eventually, but I just can't stick with it right now.

*huggles urbancate again*

...or yet more ways I've lost my ever loving mind.

So, remember dear flist how I was idiotic enough to claim not one but two mixes for bigbang_mixup? I was well aware of the fact that it was likely a mistake for me to take on so much, but did it stop me? Hell no.

Did common sense stop me from diving headlong into crossbigbang when I saw it pimped? Not really. Though, in my defense - it almost did. I ran like hell from the bang that was so clearly tailored for my crossoverkink. Then my betaluv askita and i realized we could actually co-author. Cue another bang on my list.

And now... oh dear god now, I seem to have signed up for crossbigbang yet again and now BY MYSELF.  And yes, it's freaking Jeremy Renner's fault. Cuz hell, clearly my brain is determined to write crossovers for him, and this one in particular. *headdesk*

So, just to keep things neat and tidy, here is the Banging list with dates of crazy!Caity (also known as due dates):

( lots and lots of banging... )


.....So all told I have oh... 45k to work on by this summer? *headdesks again*

Oh! BTW, for those of you who are all icony-talented, I really think I need an icon with Jeremy's stupid face and the words "All his fault."  As far as which version of his face, I'm really pretty easy lol. Though I suppose it would make sense for crossbang encouragement if it was either Brandt from Ghost Protocol or Sgt Doyle from 28 Weeks Later. Seriously, I'll offer a decent length like... at least 1k of a requested one shot in one of my various fandoms for it!

Note: if the fandom includes Jeremy, there's probably a good chance it will get written faster. Damn him and his sexy.

OK before admitting to my insanity, I just want to say right now, that THIS IS NOT MY FAULT DAMN IT!

( Seriously, it's not my fault... )