Fanfic and stress and refusing to allow the one to lead to the other...

[hiddencait]

So, I've come to the conclusion that I need to drop the second mix (the Reaper!Vaako/Kyra story)  I claimed for bigbang_mixup because it has gone beyond stressing me out at this point (as poor askita can attest from me bitching at her about it on the phone for over a week now).

I feel really REALLY crappy about it as that mix was for my darling urbancate (don't hate meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!), but it just has to happen.

I think there's a lot of things that are keeping me from managing to write ANYTHING at all one this one (besides one truly awful paragraph that I deleted because it was really that bad compared to everything else I write), but in the long run, why it's fighting me doesn't matter as much as why I need to just let it go for now.

I promised my self a long time ago that I was not going to allow fanfic to become one of the stressors in my life. I mean, it's a HOBBY! A thing that I do because I enjoy it and to keep me from feeling so down about the other stress in my life.  As weird as it's going to sound - I refuse to take my own fanfic that seriously. Do I want to do a good job?  Absolutely. Do I want to keep readers happy? Heck yeah, feedback is part of the fun.

But does fanfic pay my bills or get me a publishing deal? No. No it doesn't - it's not any kind of a responsibility. It's just for fun. FOR FUN.

So, with that as my personal mantra, when a story fights this hard and starts making me doubt my own writing ability, I have to step away. I just do.

Granted - I never really abandon my story ideas, so I'll get back to it eventually, but I just can't stick with it right now.

*huggles urbancate again*

Comments

[urbancate.livejournal.com]

I STILL LOVE YOU, YOU SILLY! Your sanity is way more important than a story.

[enochiansigils]

I think I need to make myself that same damn promise.

[kymyume.livejournal.com]

I wish more people had the perspective to do this! I'll be a little sad not to see the fic as soon now, since it actually involves a ship I like, but it's day will come eventually! Caity sanity wins that fight. Lol

[hiddencait.livejournal.com]

Would you believe it was proxy that made me make that promise to myself? Early on when I thought I was kinda batshit about it, I decided that if it was gonna stress me out, I'd take a break. That's why I didn't damn near touch it for a year or so when I was all down on me about writing who I could have been.

It's just not worth it, ya know? *snuggles ya* And hey.. I actually DID manage to finish the Push fic so I think you'll survive lol

*nuzzles*

[hiddencait.livejournal.com]

*pouncesnuggles* Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!!! I seriously just felt bad though... so I'm glad you are an awesome darling person and stuff. *snuggles again*

[hiddencait.livejournal.com]

It's a pretty damned good one to have on hand. Saved my sanity a time or two. *huggles*

[meg1990.livejournal.com]

When fun ceases to be fun find a new hobby. :D You work enough as it is to worry about something you don't HAVE to do. :)

[enochiansigils]

And I'd much rather my Cait have her sanity!

[triaden.livejournal.com]

Gald you're not stressing anymore. *hug*