hiddencait

So, I've come to the conclusion that I need to drop the second mix (the Reaper!Vaako/Kyra story) I claimed for

bigbang_mixup because it has gone beyond stressing me out at this point (as poor

askita can attest from me bitching at her about it on the phone for over a week now).

I feel really REALLY crappy about it as that mix was for my darling

urbancate (don't hate meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!), but it just has to happen.

I think there's a lot of things that are keeping me from managing to write ANYTHING at all one this one (besides one truly awful paragraph that I deleted because it was really that bad compared to everything else I write), but in the long run, why it's fighting me doesn't matter as much as why I need to just let it go for now.

I promised my self a long time ago that I was not going to allow fanfic to become one of the stressors in my life. I mean, it's a HOBBY! A thing that I do because I enjoy it and to keep me from feeling so down about the other stress in my life. As weird as it's going to sound - I refuse to take my own fanfic that seriously. Do I want to do a good job? Absolutely. Do I want to keep readers happy? Heck yeah, feedback is part of the fun.

But does fanfic pay my bills or get me a publishing deal? No. No it doesn't - it's not any kind of a responsibility. It's just for fun. FOR FUN.

So, with that as my personal mantra, when a story fights this hard and starts making me doubt my own writing ability, I have to step away. I just do.

Granted - I never really abandon my story ideas, so I'll get back to it eventually, but I just can't stick with it right now.

*huggles urbancate again*